


Feeling

by Hawwkgirl



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Clexa, Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, F/F, Mild Hurt/Comfort, No actual suicide just thinking about it and talking about it, Suicidal Thoughts, clarke is very tired of all the shit that keeps fucking with her life, lexa cares and worries about clarke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-24 07:47:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6146542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hawwkgirl/pseuds/Hawwkgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke stared out the window in her room, it was dark out and she should be asleep but every time she closed her eyes she saw all the dead Grounders, killed by those she used to call her people. The people she was supposed to represent. But how could she represent the people who killed so many allies? Grounders that were there to protect her people. When Clarke agreed to bow to Lexa she had hoped that it might be the beginning of the end to all the bloodshed between Sky People and the Grounders, but Bellamy and Pike fucked that all up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feeling

Clarke stared out the window in her room, it was dark out and she should be asleep but every time she closed her eyes she saw all the dead Grounders, killed by those she used to call her people. The people she was supposed to _represent_. But how could she represent the people who killed so many allies? Grounders that were there to protect her people. When Clarke agreed to bow to Lexa she had hoped that it might be the beginning of the end to all the bloodshed between Sky People and the Grounders, but Bellamy and Pike fucked that all up.

Why was it that everyone Clarke trusted, _loved_ , betrayed her? First Finn, then Lexa and now Bellamy? Was Clarke just a bad luck charm? Doomed to screw up any sort of relationship she has? She was so tired, so ready to give up. So ready to die. Sometimes she wondered what kept her going, why she hasn't just died already, what was holding her back from ending it herself?

"Clarke?" A gentle voice asked from the other side of the door to Clarke's room.

It was grounding to Clarke, it brought her back to reality, it reminded her why she was still here. She had to be here for Lexa, to help Lexa reunite the Sky People and the Grounders. And Lexa made her feel something she couldn't understand.

"Clarke?" Lexa asked again. "Are you awake?"

"Yes." Clarke said once she found her voice.

Lexa opened the door but stopped herself. "May I come in?"

Clarke turned around from the window, facing the door. "Yes."

"Is something wrong, Clarke?" Lexa asked once she entered the room.

Clarke's face remained plain. "I was going to ask you the same. I thought that was what you were here for?"

"I wanted to..." Lexa paused, fiddling slightly with the sleeve of her nightgown. Clarke had never seen Lexa do this before, she always came off so brave and forward about everything.

"I wanted to... check on you." Lexa said softly, avoiding Clarke's gaze.

"Check on me?" Clarke asked, a confused look on her face.

Lexa glanced around the room, still avoiding looking directly at Clarke. "To... make sure you are doing okay... I know that you were... _close_ with Bellamy. His... betrayal... I thought that you might need a... friend. And I... I know that you don't think us friends, Clarke. I'm sorry, for what happened at the mountain... I did what I believed at that time right for my people. I didn't think of the effect it would have on you and your people. I am not ashamed of my choice, Clarke, but I am _sorry_. I hope that one day you may forgive me- or at least _understand_ why I did it. And maybe... one day we can become friends... I don't want to push you, Clarke, and if I'm not welcome, I'll leave."

"Stay." Was all Clarke could say, and she wasn't really sure why she said it. She guessed it was just because she didn't want to be alone, that she would do something stupid if she was alone.

A look of shock flashed over Lexa's face, as if she wasn't expecting that to be Clarke's response. The look quickly changed to relief and she stepped further into the room, away from the door to confirm to Clarke that she wasn't going to leave.

Clarke turned back to the window, unsure what to say, or if to say anything at all. Lexa's words were running through her head.

They stayed there in silence for what felt like forever, the only sound was the soft and steady breathing coming from both of them.

"Do you ever think about just... giving up?" Clarke asked, breaking the silence.

Lexa's breathing stopped short. "What?"

"Giving up." Clarke repeated. "Ending it."

"Clarke..." Lexa shifted closer towards the blonde. "You can't mean what I think you mean."

Clarke turned around, facing Lexa. "And what is it you think I mean?"

Lexa stared into Clarke's eyes, a look a worry and maybe even fear spread on her face. "Clarke, you're people need you-"

"My people keep screwing everything up! My people just attacked and killed an army that was there to _protect_ them, Lexa!" Clarke snapped, anger coursing through her. " _My people don't even feel like my people anymore._ "

Clarke was almost sure that Lexa recoiled in fear just slightly, it was barely noticeable but Clarke saw it.

"How am I supposed to keep defending people who don't want to be defended?" Clarke asked, her voice cracked as she spoke, a sadness spilling into her words. "How am I supposed to keep going when I don't even know what I'm going for? Maybe there's nothing more I can do. Maybe no one needs me. Maybe I should just give up."

Lexa moved closer to Clarke, reaching out towards her but not touching her, she was inches away, her voice was soft and quiet and almost hard to hear when she spoke. " _I_ need you, Clarke."

Clarke froze, staring at Lexa, her eyes wide.

Lexa was about to pull her hand back and turn around when Clarke grabbed the other girl's hand, pulling it to her cheek and pulling Lexa closer to her until they were kissing. It was nothing like their first kiss. It was passionate and heated and it was everything Clarke needed. When they finally did break apart for air, Lexa's hand remained on Clarke's cheek, her other hand on the blonde's waist. 

"I need you too." Clarke whispered before pressing her lips against Lexa's again, desperate to feel something other than hurt and betrayal. And even though it wasn't an  _'I love you_ _'_  it was just as damn good.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this fic! Comments and Kudos will make my day! Peace. =)


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